This is a lesson that has been really hard for me to learn across the board. One of my biggest pet peeves is having someone flake and for some reason, I never set this boundary with others. The more I learn about how to love myself, the more I realize that my need for validation from others is the reason I’ve allowed people to disrespect me and my time.
Two weeks ago, I met a guy at a music festival and he was supposed to come visit me for a few days last weekend. He flaked and barely communicated with me that things came up and he wasn’t going to make it. Monday morning, he texted me apologizing and I never responded. Up until recently (probably as recent as 2 weeks ago), I would have responded with “it’s okay, I understand things come up” or something along those lines. I would have come up with a story in my head for why he couldn’t make it and tell myself that he really wanted to be here. Now I know if he really wanted to spend time with me, he would have been here.
If you’re not worth their time, don’t waste yours.
Even as I’m writing this post, it’s hard for me not to send him a text and, essentially, give him another chance. It’s taking so much of my energy to set boundaries and put myself first. My need for validation from others is upsetting to me and has left me open to a lot of heartache, disappointment, and insecurities. Unfortunately, for me, this need for validation goes beyond dating and applies to friendships and work, too. The process of learning how to love yourself is really hard, especially if you’ve never loved yourself before nor experienced true unconditional love.
Dating has always been a good distraction from what’s going on in my life but I’m starting to see the negative side of it. The impact it’s had on my self-esteem is scary and I have a lot of work to do before I can say I have self-love. I’ve met so many others (both men and women) go through these same partners of self-destructive behavior; constantly ending up in unhealthy relationships that make them feel worse about themselves than they did before. It gets to a point where you’re so broken, you lose the ability to set any boundaries or stand up for yourself at all. No one can tell these people what they’re doing is bad for them, everyone has to figure it out for themselves. Just as I’m figuring it out for myself.
As I’ve become more self-aware and self-loving, I’ve noticed immediate changes in my behavior in all aspects of my life. I’m so proud of the progress I’ve made in such a short period of time and I hope this inspires others that recognize these same (or similar) behaviors in themselves and make the same decision to do something about it. Writing this blog has made a big difference in my journey to good health and I want to thank each of you for reading it and joining me along the way.